In Knots – My #WOTW 

I’ve managed to tie myself up into proverbial knots at the moment, this isn’t a worry about a particular thing but all manner of things as we approach my operation on 21st August.

Upon waking every morning I don’t think “oh, it’s (say) Tuesday” or “wonder what the weather is doing”, it’s more of a “(insert swear word)! It’s xx days to go”, which isn’t exactly healthy is it? 

Apart from this morning, when I woke up with the song “Free Nelson Mandela” in my head – nope, me neither!

So, I’m going to list out what’s currently putting me into knots (my word to sum up our week) and try and get a bit of rational thinking too.

1.  The Operation

The main worry is that I won’t wake up.  I’m also worried about how D will be whilst I’m “under”.  I’m worried that the operation won’t work (like last time).

Thinking sensibly: Of course I’ll wake up, that’s why the pre-op is so detailed, the exact amount of anaesthetic will be tailored for me, the staff will be very used to nervous patients.  Remember waking up after the op last October.  It was fine.

D will be with Hubbie, it’s a shame she won’t be at school but I’ll be able to see her after, she’s been very clear that she doesn’t want to see the operation (bless her). A cuddle with them both will be lovely afterwards.

Will it work? It blooming should do! The surgeon operating this time is a foot and ankle specialist, he knows what he’s doing, that’s why I’ve had to wait so long.  I doubt even my silly feet could rebel against a two-toe fusion!  In any case, I’m not going to know until three weeks afterwards how it looks.

2.  Post Op

I’m worried about how Hubbie will cope, he’s going to have to put lunch out before he goes to work and start on tea when he gets back, as well as making sure the washing is done, the cats are happy and the house looks reasonable.  It’s a lot and we’ll get through one operation and then there’ll be the other stupid foot to have done.

It’s going to bug me that the washing line will look like the washing has been thrown on it, that the bath might beed cleaning that the hoover could do with coming out.

Thinking Sensibly: We got through it last October, we will again.  I won’t be getting to the window to see the washing line so…out of sight, out of mind? If tea is late, as long as the children and Hubbie are fed, that’s okay isn’t it?  It’s only a few weeks, we’ll be okay.

3.  The Period From Hell

This one has been a major worry.  The day after my op last October, one of my feet wouldn’t stop bleeding, we had to go to A&E which, as I was meant to be in bed with it raised, didn’t help the bleeding.  

On top of that, I had the most incredibly vicious period so I was literally being drained (sorry TMI), there was one point in the middle of the night in the bathroom when I knew that everything was rapidly heading from my head downwards and I knew if I didn’t get back to a lying-down position, I was at risk of a stroke or worse.  I remember gasping out to Hubbie that I was not going to die in our bathroom and found some strength from somewhere to get up and get to bed.

This has haunted me ever since and made me feel very down when I knew one or two more operations were necessary.  

Thinking Sensibly: I have tablets to take from three days before the operation until whenever I’m ready to have a period.  They’ll work I’m sure, I need to mention them at my pre-op next week.

If I have a foot that won’t stop bleeding this time, there is an alternative to A&E which we’ve discovered, a drop-in centre 20 mins drive away which has a quicker turnaround in seeing people.

4.  Staying Put

I’m not a great one for sitting still.  I did too much too soon last time (washing etc) and although this didn’t effective the need for further ops, it meant that I was in more pain than I should have been.

Sensible thinking: I have plenty to keep me staying in one place – crochet, reading, I might even write some snail mail!

I’ve booked in a highlights and hair cut in mid October and that gives me something to aim towards, similarly I’ll book a manicure for around the same time.  No rushing back and being in undue pain (mind you, the nerves are shot in my feet so they already hurt!)

5.  School Transport 

Last time around I went into the operating room area crying because we didn’t have school transport agreed for D, this time around its T’s school coach that is in jeopardy as the route is being withdrawn unless there is a minimum of 35 signed up, yesterday there were 13, so a bit of a shortfall.   

Thinking sensibly: there’s not a massive amount that can be done on this, T’s school have massively let us down by letting this happen.  We were only told the week before the end of term and the school hasn’t put details of a closed group I’ve set up to try and establish if we’ll have the numbers needed (helpful, not!).

What will be, will be, if the coach service is stopped, T has the offer of a lift for two terms.  It’s too far to walk and on a too fast and dangerous road to cycle. 

This is the one that isn’t effected by whether I’m walking or not as I’m a non-driver, maybe once school returns, the head might decide to help – I doubt it very much.

This, however made me laugh yesterday: my friend did one of those “what does your name mean?” FB things and hers was very positive, very appropriate.

Mine on the other hand, said this:

I’ve often wondered about a name change… 

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