Bonding over Bands 

By | June 23, 2017

One of the things that screeched at me when D (and then T) was going through the autism diagnosis process was that they’d have no empathy.  

That scared me.  The thought that – and this was my perception at the time – that, as adults, they’d not acknowledge that someone might need their help in a situation.  I could not imagine them in a friendship situation or relationship.

The thoughts above were my very early post-diagnosis thoughts, quite negative really, before I kicked myself up the bottom proverbially and decided a “can do” and not “can’t” approach was a fair healthier way to think.

Sometimes my children surprise me and this morning was one such time.

Thursdays and Fridays are PE days for D and she’ll either ask for her hair to be put into bunches or wear a band around her wrist for her to put her hair into a ponytail.   

She decided to have her hair loose today but I noticed that she had two bands around her wrist and, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to do bunches by herself, I offered to do them for her.

Our girl amazed me when she replied that she had another band on her wrist in case a girl in her class didn’t have one and D wanted to help and lend her one.

Isn’t that fantastic?  There’s the smidgen of independence with D recognising that she needs a band for her and the thoughtfulness for her classmate.  Wonderful isn’t it?


Mind you, I have to contrast this with other events today, an elderly neighbour collapsed in his garden and I called the ambulance, stayed with him and left once the paramedics were happy that he wouldn’t need admission to hospital (and I needed to be at the door, in my usual place for D, she needs and craves that bit of routine and worries if Hubby is there instead).

So, I explained to both T and D what had been happening and how my day hadn’t turned out as expected – which was fine, I’m relieved I could help – T was concerned and asked a couple of questions, D looked at me, said “oh” and then “can I have an ice cream please”, which is how after school pans out (that routine element again).

Thinking further about it though, D’s consideration for her friend was planned, today’s events weren’t.  Maybe that’s the difference.

Still very proud of her all the same Jx 

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2 Comments

Karen on 24th June 2017 at 10:38 am.

I wonder if D needed time to process the change, so her apparent lack of empathy was not that, but just timing? The day had to continue as normal, so she was reassured, but it might be that in a week she could show interest or concern in the neighbour. This has been my experience quite a lot. My kids differ in their processing and reaction times.

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Jeannette on 24th June 2017 at 11:19 am.

Maybe Karen, we’ll see I guess x

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