Masking – Tues 3rd May 2016

By | May 3, 2016

This has been D today:

From the moment she woke up, she was worried.  Worried about a school event tomorrow.  She was shaking this morning, hardly able to get the words out, she was that anxious.

Our walk to school was riddled with worries from her, her strides alternating between stomps and potential bolts.  I didn’t want to leave her but knew the routine of school would benefit her.

I’d written in her home-school diary that she was very nervous about the upcoming event, hoping she’d receive reassurance.

This afternoon she couldn’t wait to leave school to get home.  She squirmed as she twisted my arms and hands tightly and told me that she’d been worried all day.  That she didn’t want to do the event, but it was too late, that she had to.

Once home, she bolted upstairs to the sanctuary of her room.  And she’s still worried, she doesn’t know what she’ll be doing but she doesn’t want to do it.   Tomorrow’s walk to school could be fraught.

And in her diary, a sentence saying “D was very positive about” the upcoming event.  She’d masked her emotions, saying what she thought she was expected to say and saving her feelings for when she saw me.

Does that make me happy? No.  

Does it make me feel confident that school really understand D? No.  

Do I hope tomorrow goes well? Most definitely.  

Do I wish it was this time tomorrow so I’d know how she was and how it had gone? Yes.

Fingers crossed tightly here.  

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