This Week’s Word Of The Week and Cheerful Thoughts #WOTW #R2BC

I don’t tend to mention my first marriage on here, there’s no need.  I moved on a long time ago but I need to in this week’s WOTW, because it’s relevant.

Here’s my word:

  
(Image thanks to coachingoodles.com)

That would be me this week and here’s why (the #R2BC bit):

It’s the school holidays and I’m at home with T and D.  I’m very fortunate that I can be.  

When I was married to C’s dad, I went back to work when my little baby wasn’t even 3 months old, because I had to.  Because my ex had a habit of jacking in a job at very short notice, therefore my wage was the constant and vital to keep us going.

It was difficult, working full time and then going home to a young baby and the chores.  And the guilt, so much guilt.  Guilt that someone else would be holding my child as he went to sleep after a bottle, the feeling that I was always running from A to B, that I’d be missing smiles and laughter from a child that had been much wanted.

Unfortunately after 2.5 years, I was a single parent, the responsibilities would seem to have been all too much and I was relieved in a way.  Now I knew where I stood, with an occasional £35 a week contribution towards everything!

We carried on like that, just us two, juggling child care in the holidays, wishing I could spend more time with my son, until we met Hubbie, when C was 6.

We married and poodled along as a happy threesome, me still working until T came along.  I knew I wanted to stay at home.  I was earning a good wage but the pull towards my family and knowing I was fully supported emotionally by Hubbie was the decider.  Just as well because D arrived 18 months later!

Okay, we don’t have the super-duper holidays or the ability to just take off to a mega bucks theme park on a whim, but I don’t need all that.

The children have been happy in their home environment this week, we’ve laughed (I’ve been told off by T for smiling too much!), we’ve cuddled and we’ve enjoyed not having to dash off out of the house for school.

I childminded for a good few years and this is the first summer since D was 18 months old that it’s been just us.  No waiting for the door to knock, no need for record keeping or constantly wondering if I’m doing the best I can.

It helped that I had been a career mum, I could identify with the guilt and the wondering if a snuffle would turn into something more, which may mean time off work for them.

T prefers to stay within our house and garden during the holidays, so getting him behind that is a challenge, but I’m so grateful that it’s me to has to make that choice, to start the negotiating, rather than my being in a work environment wondering how they both are.

You never know, the swimming pool might make an experience too sometime in August, that would be nice!

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