Not Fading To Grey – Sat 11th July 2015

By | July 11, 2015

What a strange title you might think.

My little niggles about my wellbeing have become larger.  I’ve cried today and I haven’t done that in ages.

The timing of afore-mentioned niggles couldn’t be worse because, with the school holidays looming, I need to see my doctor this week – or it will be September.

Google is a double-edged sword, on the one hand it’s an absolute mine of information, so much so that, if I were a hypochondriac, I’d have a field day, on the other it can scare you silly.  However I think my niggles are a reaction (and this is so ironic) to my little happy pills.  Great, huh?  Those little pills (or daily pill) that is lifting my mood in one respect, is sending me crashing back down in another.

And just when I’d got used to being all smiley too.  

But it could be worse, so much worse.  If it is what I think it is, it’s sortable….at a cost.  

I just need to get that appointment.

I wouldn’t say it’s a black cloud hanging over me, or a black cloak of depression waiting to envelop me.  It’s more grey at the moment.  Whether it fades away or gets deeper will depend on me.

And obviously, routines go on.  If I told the children I wasn’t feeling too positive it would be “oh… it’s time for lunch”.  They are definitely a wake-up call, a reminder that whatever else is buzzing around, they need me and that is that – even if there is not a lot of empathy.

(They’re fine btw, both relieved it’s the weekend, minecrafting.  Any attempts to involve them in some garden work or what we have been met with “*sigh*, I’m tired, I want to relax”.  C’est la vie.)

I have always loved “Fade To Grey” btw, but much prefer the live version (click here to view), it’s a tad rocky.

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