Not Dwelling – Sat 16th May 2015
By Jeannette | May 16, 2015
We try not to dwell in the Bluecrisps household when things don’t go particularly well, there’s no point.
When we had D’s parents evening at school this week, I was talking about an issue that does concern D (one of occasional violence in class, not by D) and the staff explained how they coped (and I did feel for them) it’s as we do – don’t dwell, don’t let the children see it’s affected you and move on.
When D bashed me on my sore jaw last week, part of me wanted to go “Owwwwwwww!” and howl because it blooming hurt, but the rationale side to me knew that this would only make things worse, D was already over-upset and it would scare her to see that I was upset and in pain. So, we moved on with calming her down whilst I was thinking “Ow!”.
An approach that proved it’s the right way to be with her the next day, when after T had got off his school coach and we were all walking home, I mentioned that my mouth had been bleeding (oh, it’s all good fun), D got worried, then scared and then said that her mouth hurt. It was as if she could only show empathy by saying that she was hurt too.
It’s healthier not to dwell, we’ve had a good day, both T and D have enjoyed the sunshine and the fact they haven’t been at school. D was great in helping with the shopping without being asked and T and Hubbie had a fab, competitive and very funny game of NHL hockey together. Watching them both laughing and gently teasing each other, it was really good to see that father-son bond as I don’t get to T’s football games.
Today’s tweet for Mental Health Awareness Week was along the same lines:
That’s how we do things. Hopefully it works.
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