Angst – Fri 22nd May 2015

By | May 22, 2015

After a brilliant few days for the birthday girl, D’s anxieties returned with vengeance this morning … and a bit more.

Poor D.  She’d been up early every day this week too, excited about her birthday and the combination of tiredness and anxieties made for a reluctant D.  Reluctance to get dressed, reluctant to let go of the post at the bottom of the stairs and reluctance at school to let go of me to walk up to her classroom.

It made for a slow, unhappy walk to school, her clinging on, unresponsive to the normal chitter-chatter as I ramble on about birds/flowers/blossoms – anything to try and take her mind off what’s bothering her.

And what was troubling our D?  It was that, as this week was Sports Week in the local primary schools, she was down to take part and compete.  Something she most definitely was not happy about, not verbalising it but squeaking and groaning.

Big, big cuddles and then she spoke, when we got to school, told me why she was anxious and I was so, so proud of her.  She said “you know I don’t like being in crowds, being with people I don’t know”.  Amazing that she could say that and recognise why she was anxious and worried.  Definite progress.  I guess she hadn’t wanted to say on the way because we have to go past those challenges that she worries about (strangers dropping their children off at her old primary school and people walking their dogs etc).

Eventually she headed off.  

And this afternoon, she wasn’t totally happy but didn’t bolt as soon as she saw us, which was a relief.  She’d joined in, but said she didn’t enjoy it.  Life isn’t always going to be about staying inside a comfort zone, there are always going to be challenges, times when her or T aren’t entirely comfortable but know that whatever-it-is has to be done.  I guess that’s part of the reasoning behind the children joining in with the other schools, it also gives the mainstream children a chance to see that children from an SN school can laugh, join in and (hopefully) have fun too.

For now though, D and T have half term to look forward too.  Not only is D extremely tired (but fortunately calmer) but she’s also developed a cold and that’s making her feel worse.  I haven’t dared mention that she has an injection at home next week, with a community nurse, she needs some downtime and a good sleep before that.


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