I’m a crier, always have been.
Being a SN parent you can sometimes get overcome by emotions: the meetings, endless meetings when your child is treated as a budget figure and not an individual; the appointments and all the admin, chasing things up, getting a prescription before meds run out and forms, all the forms.
And support isn’t immediately to hand, you have to seek it out. Sometimes you find it, more than often you don’t. It all makes for a rather exhausting time.
In November 2014, I started to get concerned that I was feeling more down than up, a lot of the time. Anything would bring on tears, homework not being done willingly, the cr*ptop laptop not working for said homework and the children squabbling.
I finally plucked up courage to see a doctor and – I knew I would – cried during the appointment. I’ve never slept properly either so it felt like everything had built up over the last couple of years.
The doctor prescribed some sleeping tablets, as an interim, sent me off for a load of tests (an MOT, if you like) and wanted to see me in a fortnight.
At the next appointment, the test results were back, I’m fine physically but emotionally a bit kn*ckered. We discussed anti-depressants and I was given a prescription to take if I wished, with the assurance that I didn’t have to take them but if I did, I might start to feel brighter.
I researched the tablets, took note of the side effects and umm-ed and aah-ed for a week, still not feeling great, still crying once or twice a day at the slightest thing – a positive or negative/forgotten something/general pre-Christmas stress.
And then the children were squabbling the day before the end of term. I cried and then thought “I shouldn’t feel like this all the time, I don’t want to feel like this anymore” and took a AD tablet.
That was on 18th December and I haven’t cried since. In fact I’ve laughed more.
There have been side effects, which I expected and have been assured today by the GP won’t be for much longer; sleep has gone back to being atrocious but I’m feeling brighter and a strange nausea type feeling (overcome with sugar-free gum). These should be remedied in the next couple of weeks. I can cope with that. Goodness knows I’ve coped with a lot more.
I’ve never been a tablet taker, I’d rarely take anything for a bad headache and have neglected my emotional health at the expense of caring for my children.
It took a lot to make that initial GP appointment but I’m glad I did. I have a review with the GP in six weeks, she seems happy with progress. I feel so better (nausea aside), I have more energy and life seems fun again.
And that’s how it should be, isn’t it.
Please link up with any wellbeing posts below. I took a break from the linky for reasons above but back to fortnightly now 🙂