I have been tagged by the wonderful Kate at kateonthinice.com to think about and write down my highs and lows of 2014, something I was thinking about doing as the last day of the year is a good time for reflection but Kate’s tag couldn’t have come at a better time.

Here’s why:
As part of my “health service” in the last few weeks, I was invited for an early mammogram by my doctor. This happened on the last day of the school term and whilst it was uncomfortable, this was short-lived and any potential health reassurances far outweigh a few moments of embarrassment.

This morning I received a letter. I have to go back next week for more tests. To say that I am scared and worried is an understatement. The speed of the next appointment also took me by surprise.

The logical part of my brain is saying “they’re just double-checking, you’ve never had a mammogram before so they have nothing to check against”, but the part of my brain that chips away at my insecurities is going haywire, suggesting that anything I’d previously been told was ok, isn’t and implying worst case scenarios.

So, these questions are a welcome distraction, shall we say!

1. What was your happiest event?

This Christmas. It’s been (on the whole) relaxed and we’ve laughed, cuddled and enjoyed being together.

2. What was the saddest thing to happen?

Starting 2014 with a funeral. Hubbie’s mum died very suddenly four days before Christmas last year. She has left a big void behind.

3. What was the most unlikely thing to happen that actually went ahead and did?

That I took myself right out of my comfort zone on a couple of occasions and surprised myself by doing so.

4. Who let you down?

There is a saying that “those who matter, don’t mind and those who mind, don’t matter”. There have always been individuals who don’t approve of my blog…the saying refers.

5. Who supported you?

My lovely Hubbie. He is always there with a smile and a cuddle and knows just when I need a decaf skinny mocha brought home. We are stronger as a result of the last few years.

My children. They appreciate me even if they don’t always show it. T told me today that I should get a “best mum” award and coming from him – he’s not the most demonstrative of chappies – that means a lot. D is always there with a rib-squishing cuddle and she is growing in confidence all the time.

Fellow bloggers. I’m so glad I started blogging.

Online support from other parents who understand and “get” life with autism is invaluable. Thanks especially to Karen, Emma and Jo.

6. Tell us what you learned

To feel the fear and do it anyway. Something I will carry on doing into 2015.

That if you reach out for help, it’s there.

7. Tell us what made you laugh

We have laughed so much this Christmas, laughed until our sides ached. At silly things.

8. Tell us the things that made you cry

Frustration at situations.

Relief that our appeal for a secondary school place for T was successful.

9. Tell us three things your child or children did to make you feel proud.

T has adjusted to secondary school life far more positively than we could have hoped, it makes such a difference that he is in a wonderful setting. So proud of him.

D sang at her Christmas carol concert, in a group of three. It was beautiful to hear and such an achievement for a little girl who couldn’t participate in mainstream classes or activities.

There was an incident at D’s school, she didn’t tell anyone at the time but told me as soon as she saw me. The school investigated very promptly and what could have been serious, turned out to be innocent but, as D has always had confidence issues and a fear of “being told off for telling” – reinforced by a “helpful” child in the playground – it was a massive step forward that she spoke up.

10. Tell us the things that made you proud of yourself.

Standing up for my children.

Being mentioned in “Blog Me Better” in the Mail On Sunday (see picture).

Deciding to look after myself and booking that initial appointment with a doctor. Subsequently having my “health service” and being open about how tired and down I sometimes felt.

11. Tell us the challenges you overcame

Heading off for a couple of blogger events, I’m never quite sure where my blog “fits” so get very nervous that I’m not good enough/shouldn’t be there etc.

12. Tell us the things you would like to change about your life in 2015.

To challenge myself more.

To accept that I can change things I’m not happy with.

To reach out more if I feel I need to.

It’s not obligatory but if @manicmippismum, @ethansescapades, @okesanne and @thebeesleybuzz would like to join in, I’d love it.

Thank you to everyone who’s read my posts in 2014, I wish you health and happiness for 2015 Jx

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