Ten years on, Happy Birthday D – Tues 20th May 2014

Dear D,

It doesn’t seem possible that you’re 10 today, where have the last ten years gone? They’ve gone by way too quickly.

Today has been a lovely day (okay, it would have been even better from my viewpoint if it had been a weekend) but you couldn’t wait to get to school, in fact you bounced in.

Your request to me was a “big, sparkly birthday badge” and I think we met that one! A badge that lit up and certainly alerted people we passed on the school run to the fact it was your birthday.

Another reason you were eager to get to school was cake! Chocolate cake. We’d picked out your favourite M and S cake (that you choose every year) to take in, together with a packet of wipes!

The picture above was taken at one of our “landmarks” before we get to school. The tree that is currently full of blossom, which will turn into conkers as the year progresses. Gosh, you love collecting the conkers around that tree and keeping them in containers in your room. Sometimes we’ll paint them too and they’ll look like ingots of gold and precious stones, you just love anything glittery and sparkly and can spot a blinged-up hair accessory from 50 paces.

It wasn’t always like that though. For your first seven years or so, birthdays weren’t recognised as anything special by you, you’ve certainly made up for it now, in fact you’re tired now because you were too excited to sleep much last night and then this morning started very early!

You’ve loved your presents though, there’s been a bit of a My Little Pony, Bunnies and Butterflies theme throughout and more to come no doubt after your party, not so much a birth day as a birth week (give or take a few days).

We had a look though some photos this evening, you loved seeing yourself as a baby. One when you were a few minutes old, having rushed your way through a (planned) home birth and the other when you were a day old:

(These are all photos of photos so the quality isn’t terribly sharp)

We also found some funny photos of T, one where he’s just scored a goal and one where he looks very in control. He obviously had that confident stance at an early age:

And ones of the two of you, I love how close the two of you look, how protective he seemed, even at that early age. He won’t admit it, but he is still extremely protective of you now, it comes out occasionally, bless him.

It hasn’t all been plain sailing though. Your convulsions used to terrify me, a couple of times you blacked out for a considerable amount of time and once, in a heart-stopping moment, you turned blue and everything flashed before my eyes. Mercifully you came back to us and I vowed never to take things for granted again.

I’ve learnt about the many aspects of the autistic spectrum through you, it’s something I feel I’ll always be discovering more and more about. I call it the “predictable unpredictability” because, although you and T crave and need routine, no two days are the same. You’ve both taught me so much, not only about yourselves but about myself too. I look back on my career woman days and wonder if that was me, I definitely prefer this life.

You are so lucky to have your SN school close by, it was a difficult choice to make between an education that would lead to exam results in mainstream or a setting where you would learn life skills, where you’d be happier in a smaller setting. You were a calmer child from that very first day, the smile on your face as you rushed towards me shouting “Mumma!” said it all.

That greeting has continued, you may be 150cm tall and really quite strong (you are!), but I wait in the usual place and I’ll see your face first and then hear “Mumma!” and you charge at me, similar to a bowling ball and a skittle, it’s lovely.

And tonight. You’ve had your evening routine, you’ve been tucked in and it’s time to sleep, cuddling Bunny and plenty of good dreams.

If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be tap-tap-tapping away blogging, I discovered something I enjoy and it’s a bit therapeutic too.

I’m so happy to be your “Mumma”, let’s hope the next ten years don’t whizz by quite as fast Xxx

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