Grief #GriefEncounter #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek

By | May 15, 2014

As readers of my blogs will be aware, Hubbie’s mum died suddenly 4 days before Christmas. There was no chance for final words, or to say “goodbye”, a massive stroke did its worst and she was gone.

It has effected us all but for Hubbie, who had the extremely solid base of parents with a 50 years plus marriage, still living in the house that he was born in, it has been an immense shock to his system and I have been concerned for him and his immediate family.

There have been tears, regrets and cuddles, lots of cuddles. I am glad that I am here for him. The children are a great focus too, there is nothing like a “D body slam” to make tears turn to smiles.

We have got through what-would-have-been her birthday and Mothers Day, later on this year will bring their wedding anniversary, Hubbie’s birthday and Christmas, the latter is something that he is already dreading.

People say “it will take time” and it will, “time is a great hearer” is a cliche that we have also heard but there will always be something missing in his life. That someone at the end of a phone or in a chair, ready to listen and offer advice.

Recently I have been concerned that he may be heading towards depression, he’s self employed and what with our battle (yes, it is a battle for T’s secondary school place appeal), parenting two autistic children and just day-to-day “stuff”, it’s all been getting a bit much for him. He is keeping on, keeping on because that is what we have to do.

We talk a lot anyway, several times during the day and in the evening and I’ve suggested that he fundraise in some way in her memory, either for a Stroke charity or the ward that provided such fantastic care for her in her last hours. It would be something to focus on, something that would result in a sense of achievement, something that he can be proud of. Time will tell whether this results in a half marathon or a walk or something, but it’s a thought.

One thing we have been very clear about throughout is using plain speaking when it comes to discussing death with T and D. Their autism means that terms like “passed away”, “passed over” or “gone to sleep” may be misconstrued. We have compared life to the life cycle of plants or animals. They have both been very upset but understood and accepted. We also still talk about her too, it would be strange not too. D said the other day that she missed Nanny and got a bit ouster, I replied with “we all do sweetheart, but Nanny’s body couldn’t cope with her stroke and that’s why she died”. There can’t be any sugar coating.

I watched a segment on the Matthew Wright show this morning relating to grief and how to discuss grief and death with children, the website link is here, I have not been asked to share this but thought it would be of use.

It’s also Mental Health Awareness Week, with the theme for this year being anxiety, something prevalent in our house.

Thanks for reading Jx


Facebook Comments


rebecca beesley on 16th May 2014 at 1:52 pm.

sorry to hear about this. loss is always difficult to go through but there is something about sudden loss that feels like a double-whammy. A close friend has just lost her brother unexpectedly and it has brought back the memories of mum dying suddenly with no goodbyes and so many words yet to say to her that will now have to wait. Stroke awareness is also really important to raise awareness of – My dad had a stroke a few years ago and he was one of the lucky ones, initially being told that he wouldn’t walk again to now almost fully recovering, but when he had a mini-stroke before the bigger one no-one was aware of what had happened – even the doctors missed it. Thinking of you all at what must be a really difficult time. xxx


Jeannette on 18th May 2014 at 9:53 pm.

Thanks very much Rebecca, this just kind of flowed out of me and sometimes it’s very therapeutic. Stroke awareness is so important and quick intervention could mean so much. X


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