Not wanting to change an outcome..

By | September 9, 2012

I was reading an article online this morning about a couple who made the very difficult decision to abort their child when it was discovered he had both downs syndrome and a chromosome defect which could have led to autism etc.

I agree that it is a woman’s right to choose and in this instance, the fear of the unknown must have played a massive part in their decision and there were no doubt discussions about the impact having a disabled child would have had on their relationship.

We were offered amniocentesis tests with both T and D and in both cases we declined. Having had fertility treatment for my first child (not with Hubbie), we (Hubbie and I) both perceived my subsequent pregnancies as something of a blessing. Ideally I would have had a greater gap than 18 months between them but it meant that the total and utter exhaustion that comes with having both a toddler and a newborn was relatively short (hindsight is a wonderful thing!)

If there had been a prenatal test for autism, would I have taken it? I really don’t know. Part of me thinks maybe it would have been nice to have known beforehand so we both could have been a bit more prepared emotionally for a diagnosis that rips your insides (metaphorically) out a few years later.

As we prepare to start discussions to ascertain whether we have another child on the spectrum, part of me doesn’t want to know (ostrich burying its head in the sand) but a greater part of me needs to know, so that as and when extra help and support is needed, it’s more readily available.

I look at my beautiful daughter and my handsome, clever son and I am grateful that they are in our lives. Life may be restrictive in what we do and where we go due to anxiety and sensory issues but the picture says it all:


Thanks for reading Jx 😘

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Lindsey Clarke on 9th September 2012 at 7:41 pm.

Jeanette this blog has certainly struck a chord with me as we have recently started trying to face up to the whole convo of whether we try for another child with the help of a fertility clinic. I had my son almost 4 years ago and it certainly was no easy road, having miscarried previously. We have tried unsuccessfully for the past 2 years and our doctor has advised we be referred to the hospital for further tests.
At the age of 37 I’m sure the risk of Down Syndrome is greater and I would face a similar question as to whether we would want to know. Ultimately, knowing deep down we are not the most fertile couple around, I view all pregnancies as little miracles and would probably only terminate in the most extreme of circumstances.
Anyway, I think now we have decided to leave this to fate. I dont know we could cope with the stresses of fertility treatment, having had a few tumultous years anyway and i do believe if its meant to be its meant to be, and if it’s not, well I have one son who I adore and feel incredibly blessed to have.


Gabby on 9th September 2012 at 9:41 pm.

Yes, it is a woman’s right and many parets are afraid of not coping with a child who has a disability.

I am glad to be an example of how much a person with a disability can do.


AutismMumma on 11th September 2012 at 9:31 am.

Thanks Lindsey ((hugs)), I guess “what will be, will be” is a good term to use.
However difficult life seems at times with my two, I know that it could be a lot worse, they are my two little “happy accidents” and blessings and I’m very grateful.
I hope that whatever you decide to do, it goes well.
Whenever I need a “buck yourself up” I think of my friend who is in my “spring is in the air and I’m thinking of K” post, she was a wonderful woman xx


AutismMumma on 11th September 2012 at 9:32 am.

Well done, I’m extremely proud of everything my children achieve x


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