Friendships & play dates

By | March 8, 2012

We all want our children to be happy and healthy, it’s an instinctive need. If your child is smiling – you smile, if your child is crying – it makes you sad, if your child is having an anxiety attack or a meltdown – you just want to cuddle it away (if they’ll let you) or take some of their fear and pain away. (a tip that sometimes works for me – if D is able to – I get her to squeeze my hand as hard as she can – sometimes it’s VERY hard – and that takes the focus away from whatever is upsetting her)

And then you wonder, who would care for your child in the future, as much as you do? Will your child have a long term relationship with a partner? Would it be someone who is also disabled or NT (neuro typical), would they have that empathy, that understanding?

D is only 7 years old – 8 in May – and I do wonder (and hope) that she will have the ability to make lasting friendships. She seems to prefer the company of boys at her SN school, maybe she always will – that’s a worry in itself!

She does have a female friend, whose mum I blogged about (see my “benefit scrounger – I don’t think so” post) and we do get the girls together occasionally. D will play with her for a while and then withdraw, so it’s left to me to entertain and chat with an 8 year old. I don’t mind, I spend a lot of my day talking to and doing 1:1 with minded children, but it does make me wonder for the future.

So many things make her anxious, one of my fears is that if she ever lives away from home and she’s awake in the middle of the night either having had a bad dream or just scared, she’s either going to need coping mechanisms or someone she can either physically reach to or phone.

The ability to make and sustain friendships requires so many of our unconscious social skills, which as we know can either be delayed or just not present with autism.

I guess this is where I’m looking for comments below from those parents of slightly older autistic or aspie children and those adults who are on the spectrum, I’d be really interested to know please.

RTs/comments as ever welcomed and thanks for reading J 

Today’s picture is a nice, calming one 


Facebook Comments


sonwithaspergers on 8th March 2012 at 2:47 pm.

I guess my reply will not be what you want to hear 🙁 My Aspie son is 19 now, he had one friend in Secondary school who was also Aspie, that friendship didn’t really survive college as they have different classes and people around them. My son spends ALL of his time in his bedroom, on his computer, talking to people all over the world, he considers that THEY are his friends and that he IS socially interacting with people and doesn’t need to do anything else! We are trying to find a way around this one as I type!
Good luck for the years to come 🙂 xx


Pam on 9th March 2012 at 3:50 am.

Unfortunately J, as you know, my situation with K is different. He will be 18 next month but he has never had anyone I would call his “best friend”. He never used to approach other children to play with him, but his teacher told me that in the last few weeks he has taken an interest in what other chilldren are doing. When he goes to respite some of the other kids say hello to him, but he prefers to sit on the couch himself or in his room. I would have to say his best friend is his older brother. He is the only one besides hubby and I who he doesn’t mind playing with. I hope you get more of the responses you are looking for. 🙂


Jeannette (@AutismMumma) on 9th March 2012 at 2:15 pm.

Thanks very much, Helen, knowledge is power and I do really appreciate the comments x


Jeannette (@AutismMumma) on 9th March 2012 at 2:16 pm.

Thanks v much for commenting Pam, really appreciate it x


Friendship « Odd Cog Blog on 11th March 2012 at 4:36 pm.

[…] post in response to by this by […]


AspieSide on 11th March 2012 at 7:16 pm.

I went and read Odd Cog’s response. As I posted there I completely relate to what he said- even ditching a sleepover in the middle of the night!!

When I grew up I had no idea what was wrong with me or thought I was normal, just basically confused. I tried to fit in but it never worked out. Leaving the sleepover in the middle of the night was the least of the worst things that I did. From the bullying and not fitting in I turned to drugs here is that post about the whole story

if you read that you will see that I ended up okay but really the most important thing you can do (in my opinion) is help your daughter to see that she is okay. I was friends with all the guys too. I get the worry you have and since no one told me what was “wrong” with me I did the things you worry about. (not nearly as bad as I hear about from other people & their kids so still wasn’t that bad I guess but as a parent I have a different opinion LOL). I went to prom because I thought it was something I had to do and would regret later not doing. It was the worst night of my life. So many times I struggled with that stuff, I wish someone had told me that it was okay not to like that stuff!! Anyways because of that I am always telling my son it is okay for him to not want to go to prom or not want to hang out with other people. He has his friends online and sometimes he does things with them in person. My son and I are a lot alike. I am good with being with people (some more than others) but mostly only in short time frames. I would much rather be by myself reading, watching tv, or now social media of some type 🙂 The friends I have met there have been better than real life friends. I have been taken advantage of before because I didn’t understand some social things. Now I don’t try that much. I have a few friends and that is all that I need.

As a parent I wish I had a crystal ball to know how my son is going to turn out. I know I have done okay but I do wonder how will he turn out. But I always try to remind myself that what matters is is what he is happy with. My son may choose to never get married and that is okay.


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