Missing a family occasion

By | February 12, 2012

Am feeling sad today. My mum will be 70 years old on Thursday and she is going out for a meal with my sisters and their husbands and children. We’re not going.

Not that we haven’t been asked, not that I didn’t want to go, it just wouldn’t have worked.

The meal is at a restaurant D has never been to before, not in a private function room. If we had have got her in there (which would have been a struggle to start with), the noise of happy excited families enjoying their Sunday lunch would have set off a sensory overload. And that would have been before any food arrived. If it didn’t look right, she wouldn’t have eaten it and wanted to go home.

If she had got upset and wanted to bolt, the thought of chasing her through a busy restaurant did not appeal.

One of the main reasons we’re not going however is that one of her cousins says she’s mad, to her face. That washes over D, but it upsets the rest of us. I didn’t want to get into a debate over one of my sisters’ parenting skills.

So we’ll see my mum separately, in her house, where D is comfortable.

Maybe I’m not so much sad, as disappointed – Autism and other people’s apathy sucks sometimes.

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Matt on 12th February 2012 at 9:16 pm.

I can relate to the apathy. I don’t have any kids with autism, but my oldest daughter is severely allergic to cats and dogs and also has asthma. We have spent many nights in the hospital with her in the past but have been managing to avoid it as she gets older and more aware that she can’t pet those cute little animals (including the “hypoalergenic” ones). None of our extended family seems to think much of it though. Many of them have dogs and cats (we can’t go there) and others often have them in their homes (can’t go there either). Good luck with educating your family!


Gil on 12th February 2012 at 9:27 pm.

That’s so sad, but I completely understand. I really admire the fact you have decided not to go…I think I could learn from that. Too often I take my son to social situations he hates because it’s expected and sometimes no amount of distraction toys will work. Although, I have decided that at my brother in laws wedding next year I am going to leave him with my mum. This makes me so sad, as the rest of the family will be there, but it’s unfair on him and taking him would be selfish. I’ll hate not having him there, but he will be so much happier!
So you should be proud for putting your daughter first, what a fab mum you are!
Great blog! Thanks!



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