Getting there – Mon 2nd Nov 2015

By | November 2, 2015

…. or we might be, with regard to the anxieties D feels when “the bullies” (her words) target her and other children.  Children they know are not likely to say anything back, ones they know that they can hurt with words.

I’d kept D home today, the self-inflicted sores on her arm needed to be dressed, kept clean and covered (to stop further attention from her) and also I wanted to attempt to ascertain why she’d done this to herself.  I knew, but wanted her to be relaxed enough to tell me, which would hopefully prompt some further discussion.  

We’ve had the scenario many times of us explaining that if she stood up to them just once and used a “big voice”, they’d more than likely stop.  But she’s always said that she’s worried that she’ll be then “told off” by the teachers.  The CAMHS Doctor, who we saw a couple of years ago about this very subject, said D was probably “too nice” and that as it wasn’t in her nature to stand up and shout back, she’d find it difficult.  

So, therein lies the problem.  Someone who’s nice, popular with her friends and someone who’s generally very smiley at school.  An easy target for those who perhaps find enjoyment in making others feel belittled.  It’s not just D who gets targeted unfortunately.

But tonight, I told D of something I’d discussed with her teacher in parents evening.  We had a chat around the playground situation and, because it all seems to be done slyly and because D doesn’t tell anyone at the time what’s happening, they aren’t aware.  They did however say that if D did find that voice inside and say “stop it” firmly, the adults around would probably cheer.

I’ve mentioned this to D before but it seemed to resonate with her today.  She’s said that she might try it.  Whether she does or not, only time will tell but it just needs to be once or twice firmly, for that message to get across.  Hopefully.

Yesterday seemed to bring a new chapter to this episode, with D physically harming herself.  The metaphorical door needs closing on this.  It’s gone on long enough.
  

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2 Comments

Bright Side of Life on 3rd November 2015 at 11:22 am.

I am so sorry to hear that she is harming herself. Poor kid, not an easy journey.

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Jeannette on 21st November 2015 at 2:05 pm.

Thanks, I’m hoping now that the triggers (bullying) have stopped, she leaves her arms alone now. So far, so good x

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