Applying Filters – Mon 10th Nov 2014

By | November 10, 2014

For quite a while now I’ve been getting concerned as to how T addresses people, he’s extremely direct, blunt to the point of insulting and seems to have a more-or-less total disregard for the other person’s feelings. This is part of his behaviour, part of his traits but, it’s getting harder to ignore (maybe ignore is the wrong word), substitute “ignore” for tolerate.

It’s something I’ve mentioned previously but my main concern is him travelling through mainstream secondary school with very little thought for how his words may effect other people.

It also causes issues at home and on the way home from school, but especially when T and D are together.

Take today, she will generally skip ahead because the path we take is never busy, there’s very rarely anyone else about and so, she’ll skip away happily, until we get to a service road crossing and she’ll wait for me, to say it’s okay to cross. Something I’m grateful D does because her road sense and sense of potential dangers is terrible.

T will invariably say (to D), ” why can’t you cross? Use your senses?” in a very judgemental way, which makes her want to bolt (and then any bonus of her waiting to cross has been lost). As was today.

And then someone walked behind us, D froze, scared.

“Why are you scared? Why? It’s only a woman?”

Which, again, make any thoughts of a skip-worthy, peaceful walk home a distant thought. A fraught D, a T furious because I then asked him to walk ahead of us to avoid anything further.

A chat when we got home, a request that he thinks before he speaks, that sometimes if he’s thinking negatively about someone, that maybe at times it’s appropriate to just think it, not say it out loud. That he apply a filter.

Hopefully, the request will be attempted, this is especially where the emotional and intellectual variances between T and D are evident and widening.

It might make for a slightly easier ride at home and reduce the worries that buzz around in this Mumma’s head, I hope so.

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2 Comments

Karen Sellers on 10th November 2014 at 11:03 pm.

Ah, the autistic trait of plain-speaking. We have varying success with this and ds1 is almost 17. I’ll keep you posted. xx

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Jeannette on 11th November 2014 at 12:24 pm.

Please do, thanks. It is restricting what we do externally as a family atm x

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