“Top 3 Things on your Bucket List” #BlogADayJuly

By | July 25, 2013

I was uncomfortable with today’s blogging prompt, not because death is something I chose to ignore. I don’t. On the contary, having special needs children including a daughter who (I’m being realistic) wont be able to live independently, it’s very much on my mind.

It’s also the realisation that if I were to need to write a "bucket list" for real, my list would have to be adapted to being able to have my children with me, this potentially rules out anything too crowded or noisy, too over-stimulating or anything where sensory overload is a possibility. I’d want them to enjoy the experience as much as I potentially did and create positive memories for them.

So, my bucket list would be:

Moving to a beachside location where the children could paddle in the sea, D could collect shells and we could watch the sunrise and sunset. I know of just the place too, a little scheduled beach that we found in Jersey. Away from the tourists haunts and the sand was the softest I’ve ever walked across. Just lovely.

My second would be finally passing my driving test. The freedom to just bung everything and everyone into a vehicle and drive would be fab, we rely on feet, a SN buggy and public transport at the moment and will do until I pluck up the courage to try again.

And thirdly would be purchasing Merlin Lifetime passes for us all. The children would love to see their names in bricks at Legoland and, in conjunction with 2. above, we’d be able to go whenever. My children might not like crowds but they love the roller-coasters and the water rides, I’ve never seen them so happy as when we’re whizzing around in a dragon ride or getting absolutely soaked.

So, that’s a bucket list of sorts, amended and practical for us. I don’t want to be implementing it any time soon please.

Below is an explanation of a bucket list from a newspaper, I found the rationale interesting:

Bucket lists: are they a good idea?

Skydiving and swimming with dolphins are just two popular items on the lists of things people want to do before it’s too late. But are they facing up to death – or merely in denial?

Skydiving is a popular ambition for people who make bucket lists.

In 1940, when John Goddard was 15, he made a list of everything he wanted to achieve. There were 127 goals in all, which included: visit every country in the world; explore the Great Barrier Reef; watch a cremation ceremony in Bali; milk a poisonous snake; and visit the Moon. Some goals were bundled together. Number 113, for example, reads: "Become proficient in the use of a plane, motorcycle, tractor, surfboard, rifle, pistol, canoe, microscope, football, basketball, bow and arrow, lariat and boomerang." There is a tick beside this one, marking it as done, as there is beside 109 of those original goals. And in the years since, he has set himself hundreds more, writing them down as a form of commitment.

Goddard’s "Life List", which featured in the Chicken Soup for the Soul self-help franchise, is one of the inspirations cited by people who have created what are now more usually called bucket lists. The phrase derives from "kick the bucket", a term for death, with unclear origins, but which quite likely relates to the bucket kicked away at a hanging. It was popularised by the 2007 film The Bucket List, in which characters played by Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman meet in a cancer ward, then race around the world, packing in experiences. As in that story, some people start these lists when diagnosed with incurable illnesses, and in those cases the goals often seem to have a deeper, much more personal flavour. On Tuesday, for instance, it was reported that former PR executive Simon Mitchell, who has a cancer of the blood, has been pursuing a list that involves helping other people, using his professional contacts to set up meetings between seriously ill children and the stars they admire.

But the trend goes much wider. Bill Clinton, Jane Fonda and Cameron Diaz have spoken of having a list. Last week, a man who had camped overnight for an iPhone 5 said that specific experience was included on his. And it was also reported that Megan Stammers, the 15-year-old girl thought to be in France with her maths teacher, had posted her own extensive list online. The last entry, fall in love, had been crossed off.

There are no end of websites for those wanting to compile and share their ambitions, with a whole industry having formed around the notion of cramming in eye-popping, hedonic experiences before you die: sky-diving, mountain climbing, throwing tomatoes at the Tomatina festival in Spain and meeting pop stars. On bucketlist.org someone proclaims their ambition to hold a baby white tiger; on bucketlist.net there are plans to fly in a hot-air balloon. A series of books lists the 1,001 films you should see, the 1,001 albums you should listen to, all the paintings and natural wonders you must catch, in order to be fulfilled before death. And while this approach can sound quite the opposite of fulfilment, an endless striving for satisfaction, that hasn’t stopped people’s wild enthusiasm.

Are bucket lists really a good idea? It can be useful to have defined goals, of course, but the lists seem to encourage a strange blend of highly individualised behaviour and conformity, a situation in which everyone is hurtling, alone, towards similar goals. The psychotherapist Philippa Perry suggests, laughingly, that they might actually have been started "as a brilliant PR stunt by somebody who was selling swimming with dolphins". There’s a consumerist, acquisitive vibe to many of the lists, with the experience they replicate being the writing of a shopping list, says Perry. Instead of building on what you already have, "to make a good life," she continues, "it’s really an attempt to fill an existential void".

There’s also an innate air of competition to bucket lists, of striving to best yourself – but also others. In some ways it’s no surprise that they have risen in popularity in an age when we are all encouraged to brand ourselves, to treat our Facebook pages as a shop window for our achievement-rich lives. Psychologist Linda Blair, who is writing a book called The Key to Calm, to help people deal with stress and anxiety, says chasing big experiences is worthwhile if you enjoy the whole process. "Saving up the money, planning it with friends, and then the moment as well. I’m all for that," she says. "But if you’re constantly living in the future, ignoring what’s going on right now because you’re shooting for goals, which happen so quickly that they’re over, and then you have to chase another one, you’re not really living."

Could they be a useful way of dealing with the inevitability of death? Blair doesn’t think so. "It’s a way of denying the idea of death, not coping with it at all … People usually do this to ensure that there are things to look forward to, which means there are things that are still going to happen … My experience warns me that it’s probably done in order to prevent thinking about death." Perry sees it as a way of dealing "with how to pass the time. I think it’s a way of trying to generate some excitement.

"What we should be doing in our bucket lists," Perry says, "is learning how to be open with our own vulnerabilities so that we can form connections with other human beings … I think, for me, what’s wrong with the bucket list is that it’s individualistic – the idea of the isolated self goes very deep in Western society – and I think it’s a red herring … It’s a distraction from the business of being human. We don’t all like swimming with dolphins but we are all made to connect to each other. That’s the really fun thing to do before you die."

• Do you think bucket lists are a good idea, and if so what would be on yours?

The Guardian Lifestyle September 2012

"Top 3 Things on your Bucket List" #BlogADayJuly
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1 Comment

DONNA@MUMMYCENTRAL on 25th July 2013 at 11:06 pm.

I’m not so sure about a bucket list. I think it’s the name of it. If you called it "Things I want to do before I’m 40/50/60" it would sound a lot less scary. Living by the sea would definitely be on my list. And visiting New York and Las Vegas are two other life ambitions. Don’t ask me why. I just love the energy of these places.

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