Thursday 6th December – feeling a failure

By | December 6, 2012

I would do anything for my children (within reason), any mum would. You comfort them when they’re upset, scared or frightened; feed them; clothe them and rise up like a warrior mum when you feel they’re being threatened/something occurs that you need to deal with.

You read all the parenting books you can whilst pregnant, your child arrives, you bond them, feel a love that eclipses no other and then…

They get a “label” from society. With one child already having a “label” and the other starting the process to get one, I’m looking within to try and work out why. Of course, I’m not going to find out the answer and genetically it was a possibility anyway but it will never stop me wondering.

But you have to “keep calm and carry on” because they depend on you.

Today, for example, has been another one of those “wait for phone calls” day. Phone calls from a senco *tick*, CAMHS *tick* and the last one should have been the OT at D’s school. Nope, she decided to catch me when I was walking down to D’s classroom – ten minutes later and one cross daughter because I was late and therefore routine had been broken.

D’s mood didn’t improve at home and soon T joined in, snapping away – which got D even more anxious. I have learnt that my two (very different) children need dealing with in two very different ways. For D, it’s very softly-softly bear hugs and gentle words, otherwise she gets more upset and we have a bolt situation. For T, it’s direct instant requests, otherwise he ignores them. T was getting cross that I was dealing with them both in different ways, so I demonstrated how D would react to direct requests (not very well, but it proved – I hope – my point).

That’s kind of set the tone for our evening, which was a shame because – had it not been for me being delayed by the OT – it could have been better.

Tomorrow is another day and of course I won’t have any answers but new day, new optimism.

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Thanks for reading, comments/RTs/shares as ever welcomed Jx 😘

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4 Comments

Latoya Jordan on 7th December 2012 at 9:14 am.

I sympathise with u hugely. And I know exactly what u mean. And especially when it comes to dealing with the two different types of behaviour. When your trying to please one u upset the other. It’s bloody hard work and sometimes I react in a way I’m not entirely proud of which only makes that guilt feeling even harder to deal with. U sound like a wonderful mum and u should be proud of yourself for all that u do (easier said than done, I know). I hope u have a better day today. Shame your OT wasn’t abit more thoughtful in her actions tho!!!
Much love xx

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Ciara MacGrath on 7th December 2012 at 10:01 am.

couldNearly had one of those evenings myself. N’t daughter put a Christmas card by the TV. Trying to prevent a row I asked her to move it because it might annoy her aspie brother. She didn’t want to. We always do what he wants etc. I got distracted and didn’t force the issue. Soon walked on a while later and never said anything about the card. Peaceful night. If I hasn’t got distracted and argued with daughter I could have had sulky kids all night. Some times this mum does not know best.

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AutismMumma on 7th December 2012 at 12:08 pm.

Thanks, today will be better! Just so hard dealing with my children who are so alike in some ways, but so different in others.

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AutismMumma on 7th December 2012 at 12:09 pm.

It’s a constant juggle isn’t it x

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