Manners cost nothing…

By | March 12, 2012

I can cope with most of the aspects of D’s autism – the anxieties, the meltdowns, the OCD elements, the refusal to try new foods. The list goes on and on. I tend to risk-assess everything – either at home or externally.

What I find it hard to deal with is how she can be perceived as rude – see my blog post “Prejudice in the Park”. That woman’s reaction was unsympathetic and completely over the top and her refusal to even listen to my explanation of autism and its traits….well…

From a very early age, I was taught to say “please” and “thank you”. My Grandma’s birthday was on 4th January and if my sisters and I hadn’t written a thank you note to her by then for our Christmas presents, then there would be a very annoyed phone call. Even though my Grandma has been dead for years, that “get the childrens thank you notes done by Jan 4th” is still engrained in me. I appreciate it if people hold a door open for me and I do the same.

When D was younger, I realised that I couldn’t say “what’s the magic word?” to get her to say please, because being autistic, she would be thinking “Mumma expects me to say abracadabra or what IS a magic word?”. Mainstream nursery learnt very quickly that they couldn’t say that to her either, or “there’s a special word” …. it used to be met with very blank looks

When she is pre or post meltdown, trying to get her to say please and thank you just wouldn’t happen. When parents come to my door to pick up their children and say hello to her, sometimes she’ll say hello back, sometimes they’ll get a hug. If she’s not receptive, they’ll be met with silence.
That leaves me cringing inside sometimes.

When we’re shopping, I’m always sure to say thanks to the cashier, even if they’re not even looking at me as they’re serving me (newsagents in particular), if D has chosen a magazine then I make sure she says thank you, even if they’re not being responsive. And then you think, those people must have passed an interview and there aren’t many jobs out there, how about a bit of acknowledgement?

I hope I’m polite on twitter, I try to be. If someone RTs for me, I thank them. New follows, I go back to them, follow back, say thanks and refer to my blog. I always go back and thank #ff. I don’t like to “force” my blog posts onto people but I realise that timelines are huge and new blog posts can so easily be missed. There’s a few blog posts I did previously that I’m quite proud of but because I didn’t publicise them, they weren’t widely read:
A is for …
I want to be…
and
The Camera does lie.

Again, this all stems from the fact you can’t SEE autism, it’s an invisible disability but if you’ve perceived my daughter as being rude, it’s not her fault – or mine, I’m doing my best, believe me.

Comments/RTs as ever welcomed (and I will say thank you!) J x 😘

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5 Comments

Tracy on 12th March 2012 at 12:34 pm.

Your ever so Polite and well mannered and a true Autism ambassador xx

Reply

Stepping Out on 12th March 2012 at 5:24 pm.

Such a true post! Manners mean a lot, even online. 140 chars doesn’t mean you miss out a ‘Thank you’ every now and again…

I’m enjoying this blog, well done!

Reply

bluecrisps on 12th March 2012 at 6:27 pm.

Thanks very much for reading and commenting. It doesnt always let me reply, so I hope this does. Thanks again.

Reply

bluecrisps on 12th March 2012 at 6:28 pm.

Thank you #politeasever. appreciate it xx

Reply

stazy101 (@stazy101) on 12th March 2012 at 9:10 pm.

Manners are so simple yet so much appreciated.

Keep up your Autism Awareness! It can be a struggle, but it can also be very rewarding.

Reply

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